Solstice Blues

Today my morning starts with a complaint email. The gist of it is that our portions are too small. Which is really weird because one of the most consistent comments we get is that the portions are quite large. Either way is no good as far as I'm concerned. I want people to leave well-fed, but not stuffed.

Anyway, the woman allows the food was great, but they only got 3 slices of bread, her husband's pasta was meager and had only 8 baby shrimp in it. Funny, yesterday I was posting how the linguine dish is the one we keep on the menu for people who don't like food. She tells me the next night they went up the street to a veritable shithole, spent about the same amount of money and " we were so stuffed we didn't even finish our meals." Then she lets fly with the ultimate. "My family is in the same business as you...". Whenever anyone alludes to being the restaurant business on any level, to justify their complaint I know they are full of it. Usually this is the excuse given by the "ex-waiter" (read, someone who waited tables at a chain restaurant while going to college 20 years ago) to not leave a decent tip.

So I replied. And while my first draft was full of educational comments letting her know that unlike some restaurants we make everything in house, that rock shrimp are exactly that, not baby shrimp, that portions are weighed for consistency, that for two people we serve 1/4 of a loaf of bread, that they were certainly welcome to ask for more bread, that we are actually one of the more affordable restaurants in our area, at least among those which serve anything approaching quality, I didn't send it.

My response?

"Mrs. X: I'm sorry you felt the portions weren't adequate. This is the first time I've ever heard this complaint in our 6 plus years of business. If anything we
regularly hear the opposite, that our portions are too large. Personally I'd like people to leave well-fed but not so stuffed they couldn't finish their meal.

Please accept my apologies and the next time you visit us introduce yourself and I'll make sure you are well taken care of."

In other words, just like the chef in "The Big Night" I want to see these people if they ever come back.

Her reply.

"Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my email.  It shows
that you definitely do care about your patrons.  I am sure that this may
have been just a one time incident so I will tell my husband.  The next
time we are in your town we will stop by and try your restaurant again.
Thanks again,"

So I did the right thing. Because these people aren't interested in education, good food or anything else. They just want to make sure they are rolling down the stairs when they leave.

The part of her reply that really gets me is the "it shows that you definitely do care about your patrons". No lady, I'm in this business to rip people off. To take their hard earned money and give them garbage in return. Granted, I like to think I have a misanthropic streak so wide it extends a foot above my head but the reality is I just want people to be happy. Yep, I am what they call a "people-pleaser". Which is from where the misanthropy stems.

This is how it is every summer. People who want huge plates of crap descend on us. Boy, I love to complain huh? In the winter there aren't enough people. In the summer they're not the right kind of people. People like other restaurants more than they like ours. Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll go eat some....andouille, which has to get in the smoker before my vegan masseuse gets here.

Happy solstice all.

Comments

[Fatemeh]

The whole mindset of being "so full you can't finish your meal" is so foreign to me.

It's almost like people want to pay once but have enough leftovers to have lunch the next day. It's arrogant, rude, and I can't stand people who think that appropriate portions are a "rip-off".

Lemme at 'er.

[Dr. Biggles]

Yeah, another reason why I don't own/run/cook for a restaurant. I'd end up in jail after pummeling someone whodda said that to me.
One of the nice things about being in the glue business, I can (and am backed by the president) to tell a customer to piss off and not worry about them coming back. Or maybe it's just me that doesn't care and doesn't have anything to do with the business I'm in. Probably the latter.

Biggles

[H. Alexander Talbot]

I am also in the "business" and have something to say...

Well, I have been the recipient of several like emails at several restaurants over the years. I know it's not them, it's me. My point is give me a shot to make you happy from the start rather than sulking, heading home and complaining to the McDonalds drive through window guy, trying to persuade him to super size your meal because in some way or another you actually had room to eat more.

In fact, I have recieved such comments from family members; again after the fact. Upon there return I rectified the situation by serving a whole roasted veal shank for one. The point is, if diners want to burst food, I can help them, just let me know, we will make you happy.

Thanks for sharing, I thought it was just me.

[haddock]

Thanks to all for the support and no Mr Talbot, it's not just you.

I agree with you 100%. If someone has a complaint about ANY aspect of my operation, please do me the courtesy of letting me take care of you. DON'T leave disgruntled or unhappy if you haven't tried to resolve your complaint. If it's no big deal, then it's no big deal. Don't complain later to your friends. If there is any way I can make the person happy, I'll usually do it.

I say usually because like Dr. Biggles sometimes I really just don't care. I have very little tolerance for rude, unappreciative, boorish louts. This is why I am the kitchen rather than the dining room. By the time I get involved in a situation, more than likely there is no saving it and I am there solely to provide invective. I have certainly replied to an obnoxious person telling me "We're leaving and I'm going to tell all my friends," please do, if they are anything like you I wish to stay well clear of them.

These are the extreme ugly examples though. Like Mr Talbot said if the couple had wanted to bust a gut, I can lay on the feed. You want your soup hotter, no problem.

We had a lady last night who had a comment about the current lamb dish which features a cherry-gorgonzola popover, a cherry gastrique and whole pitted cherries. The cherries are unheated. I wanted the contrast of the hot, savory, pungent popover, the sweet and sour of the warm sauce and the fresh, cool sweet taste of the cherries. She preferred the cherries to be hot. That's fine, I'm happy to accomodate her. The point is she SAID something, rather than sending an email or letter a week later when we can't do anything about it.