Confessions of an Animal Lover

There's a pig in the walk in. I'll be leaving to butcher it and turn it into sausages, chops, hams, rillettes, confit and other delights directly after posting. I have detailed elsewhere the butchery technique and some basic recipes. In this post I'm going to try to detail how I feel about the process.

When I met the GM I was a self-described animal loather. Cats were tolerable, since they in general demanded little attention. Dogs were an abomination and the people who had dogs were worse than Republicans. The rest of the non-pet animal kingdom was there for the eating. When The Smiths came out with their album "Meat is Murder", my inclination was to make stickers that read, "Meat is Dinner".

The GM of course, had 2 cats. And treated them as people who love animals do. While I respected her right to do so, I didn't participate. In the course of discussion I came to realize that my dislike of domestic animals was really a dislike of the attitude which claims to know the animal mind. Basically a repetition of the old philosophical argument about whether I can "know" anything which is in the mind of another. I found it difficult enough to arrive at similar conclusions with fellow humans and thought them unspeakably arrogant when they claimed to "know" that an animal was happy, or depressed.

Over the years I began to love the cats and while I was able to admit they could communicate with me on certain levels was still unwilling to ascribe human emotion to them. Not that I was unwilling to ascribe emotion period, just reserving the judgment as to what that emotion is and believing my human filter isn't doing justice to the animal's experience. Then, after a personal tragedy, one of our waiters foisted a puppy on us. The GM looked as though she would crumble if we did not take this dog into our home and I, like most guys when faced with that look, said "We'll give it a try."

I fell in love with the dog and still am. We now have two dogs and the same two cats. I stop and pet dogs on the street. My former self would never have done something so idiotic. I still don't believe that I, as a human, can possibly "know" what one of our animal companions is feeling or even thinking. I still believe that communication between members of our own species is difficult beyond belief, with all our various languages, shades of meaning, body language and facial expressions and that to think anyone can claim inter-species communication beyond some very rudimentary negotiations borders on the absurd. I have more respect for the animals than that.

So where does that leave me with the pig? In a complex relationship. I can certainly understand the argument that it is barbaric to kill and eat another living being. It's also barbaric to have a restaurant, making a living by feeding people who have so much to eat that they are bored with what they have and/or don't know what to do with what they have, while others starve to death. It is a form of barbarism to live in a country which refuses to provide health care for its citizens and further barbarism to do nothing about that crime except a little passive complaining like I'm doing now. To a certain degree I'm choosing my level of barbarism. Assuming I embrace the argument.

I can also understand the argument that humans are animals themselves, part of the natural food chain, that certain animals are predators and eat other animals. I can see our physiology in part bears this out with incisors originally used for tearing flesh, as well molars used for grinding roots and leaves. To follow the first argument to its logical conclusion must lead to vegetarianism and to follow this argument must lead to unexamined, or at least justified, carnage.

The middle ground is always uncomfortable. An extreme position can always be justified whether by ancient texts, or by raw emotion. I don't come from a tradition of say, the Native Americans, who believe we are intimately connected with the land and have rituals and ways of honoring the animals they eat. This is not to say I don't hold these beliefs, at least intellectually, but to say I don't have meaningful ways to express those beliefs.

Except perhaps in butchering a pig I have helped feed. If I am going to buy another being and consume another being I can at least have the duty of confronting that being in its entirety. I am in a very luxurious position here and mean to take no moral high ground. I'm in a position to use an entire pig and live somewhere where a like minded individual is raising pigs, lamb, vegetables and grapes. However, most of us can use a chicken, or a rabbit, or a fish. You get my drift.

When I go to work today I know my attitude will be more respectful than it was 15 years ago. I hope I can give some of that attitude to my cooks, waiters and customers without preaching or being false. I really do respect others positions, be they vegans or people (and I really have an employee like this) who eat meat nearly exclusively.

With this pig I'm going to do some long curing. At least one ham that won't be ready until the fall and some fermented sausages. I'll also do some bacon chops, one of the tastier things I've had recently. I spent yesterday sharpening my knives and this morning sharpening my brain. Time to go.

Comments

[Kudzu]

I'm surprised I'm the first to respond to this thoughtful post. I sent it on to my daughter who was a vegetarian and then a vegan for many years before she morphed into an omnivore for health reasons.

Respect the pig, but remember that we kill/cook/eat all things and we must keep this in some sort of balance.

I sense your attention and purpose. Keep your knives sharp and your vision clear.

[JANE TIBERIO]

I FEEL DEEPLY SORRY FOR YOU! THAT YOU HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ANIMAL. THEY CAN BRING YOU GREAT JOY. MY ANIMALS SENSE MY EMOTIONS AND I CAN SENSE THEIRS. I COULD NEVER KILL A LIVING THING. I USE TO EAT MEAT - BUT CAN NO LONGER DO THAT. THESE ANIMALS LICE A GRIM EXISTENCE, AND DID NOT ASK TO BE BORN ONLY TO BE TORTURED, AND BRUTALIZED. I FEEL DEEPLY SORRY FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU. I KEEP EDUCATING AND I BELIEVE SOME DAY THE WORLD WILL BE KINDER. I WELCOME YOUR COMMENTS

[haddock]

I think you've missed the point. What I was describing was my coming to a relationship with other living creatures.

As for sensing your animal's emotions I accept that you believe that. For myself I am not so arrogant as to think that I am able to understand another being, including humans, in anything but a rather rudimentary way. That doesn't imply there is no connection or relationship, just that I am not equipped to name or define that relationship.

Perhaps you should re-read the original post before you go about feeling deeply sorry for me. An extreme position is always justifiable. A middle ground is always slippery.

[Micky]

I have read that 85% of human communication is non-verbal. I prefer dogs to humans. I think our ability for language confuses our ability to communicate how we're feeling.

I can't express the wonder and awe I feel when my three cats and my dog, at the end of a day, can express such peace and contentment with me without saying a word.

I know how they're feeling. They know how I'm feeling. What we're thinking then is probably dysfunctional anyway.

Trust yourself and them. We are so very much more like them than we're different.

It's those "soul" and "intelligence" language elements that blind us.