Knife's Edge - Restaurant Rants & Raves

It's Going to be a Long Summer

if this weekend was any indication.

I'd like to know exactly when "I don't care for (insert least liked food here)," became, "I'm allergic to (insert least liked food here)." I understand allergies have increased dramatically and I don't want to make light of anybody's reaction to certain foodstuffs but I don't believe most of the people who make the claim. I still treat their request seriously because it is conceivable they really are allergic to chocolate (one of the "allergies" we had this weekend) but I still don't believe it.

If I eat an excess of carnitas tacos I get heartburn. Does that make me allergic to pork fat? I sure as hell hope not. I also love when people claim to be allergic, or have reactions to things like sulfites which produce a specific reaction in those with the sensitivity, and their symptoms are nothing like the actual reaction.

Have we become such a food obsessed culture that people are no longer comfortable having preferences? Perhaps the chocolate allergy was the result of the person having to explain for the thousandth time that she didn't like chocolate and then fending off the disbelieving remarks?

"Allergies" aside we were busy as hell and increasingly these three day weekends are kicking my ass. I am only now starting to recover and I've slept plenty. We were going to tweak the menu a little yesterday but both myself and the other cook that was on were just burnt and our brains could only handle doing the prep for what was currently on the menu. His wife is pregnant too, due two months after the GM and they just had their new landlord flip out on them so he's got that to deal with also.

We also had our share of the tacky people who come in, take a table and then leave after discovering we don't have fish & chips/burgers/kid's menu/clam chowder/whatever they're looking for. I've mentioned this phenomenon before and would really like it to stop. Any ideas would be appreciated. We have a menu posted up front. The GM urges people to study it before taking a table, particularly those who fit the profile of tacky time-waster. Besides just being annoying, these people throw the dining room rhythm off. We try to seat each waiter in turn and when people get up and leave, not only do we generally have to reset the table, because they've managed to blow their nose in the napkin or something like that, but then the waiter gets skipped and if it's at all busy the next waiter ends up being double or triple seated.

I also love the people who leave because they "are looking for seafood." On our current menu we have; oysters, mussels, halibut, ling cod, albacore, scallops, a seafood sausage pasta, rock shrimp (when we can get them), a fish of the evening and quite often a fish or seafood special. What they really mean is they're looking for deep-fried shrimp.

Sorry to be so cranky this morning. We had a lot of people who were great, including a guy who told us last night we had the best food he had ever tasted. I maintain he needs to get out more. I'm just tired of dealing with the same problems over and over. I know the messing up the table and not ordering doesn't happen with the same frequency elsewhere. Yes, I'm sure it happens on occasion everywhere. But not every weekend. Not 3-4 times per evening. If we were serving hyper-modern cuisine I could see it. If we were serving nothing but offal I could see it. If the menu were printed in a foreign language I could see it.

I have a feeling the serenity prayer will be getting a work-out this summer.

Oprah Calling

A few weeks ago we came back from a couple of days off to discover a message from a photographer who wanted to set up a time to come by the restaurant to take some shots for an upcoming article. After setting the appointment we left a note on our dry erase board letting the staff know that if anyone from the press calls, to let us know immediately rather than taking a message. When people are on deadline, as they almost always are, waiting 2 days for a callback ensures that they move on to the next on their list.

We had been on vacation approximately 2.5 hours when one of our waiters called and said Tina, from the Oprah show in Chicago, was trying to reach us. Ha ha, very funny, good one.
"No really."
"You're not joking? This isn't a trick"
"No, for real. The number is 312-XXX-XXXX."

I knew 312 was the area code for Chicago and was pretty confident the waiter giving us this message didn't. She could have looked it up but I didn't think they would go that far to try to play a practical joke on us. However, I was driving and the GM didn't want to call from the vehicle, preferring to be somewhere with a table and a proper set-up for note-taking. Conversation in the car

"Why the hell is Oprah calling?"

"They're probably coming to the area to do some filming and they're trying to make reservations."

"I don't think so. I'm on so many promotional organizations and that would be something pretty big. I'm pretty sure I'd have heard something about this before. What kind of stories does Oprah do? Isn't it usually those heart-breaking human interest stories about personal courage against overwhelming adversity?"

"Yeah"

"Well, that's not us. Maybe she heard I actually lived the life James Frey invented."

"I'm gonna jump up and down on her couch like Tom Cruise did."

So for the rest of the drive to our airport hotel I wondered why the hell Oprah was calling. We certainly had sent out no pitches and though we are possessed of a reasonable amount of courage I hadn't been surfing only to have a shark chew off my arm or anything like that. I wondered what the GM was going to wear for her star turn. Hell, I wondered what I was going to wear. I started thinking about making reservations. Charlie Trotters? Alinea? Tru? Was the GM really going to jump and down on the couch?

After much thought I figured she was calling because of a NY Times story about children's (mis)behavior in restaurants that mentioned us. The writer was from Chicago and the impetus for the story was a coffee shop in a suburban Chicago neighborhood that was having problems with what the owner described as vacuous, entitled, ex-cheerleader moms. I started devising my plan to be on Oprah twice.

"Well Oprah, it's pretty easy for us to talk about being good parents and keeping tabs on your children now, since we don't actually have a child. I'll tell you what. How about we come back here in 2 years and tell you how our theories have worked out."

"Haddock, you're on. How about Christmas 2008?"

"See you then."

The next day I left a message for Tina. She called back as we were on the airport shuttle.

"Hi, this is Tina from the Oprah Winfrey show in Chicago. Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. I was calling because of you have the well-behaved parents and children welcome statement on your menu."

I knew it. Hah! Chicago, here we  go.

"Unfortunately the focus of the story has shifted, so the reason I was calling is no longer there. But thank you for returning the call."

WHAT?!

Oh well, you can't win 'em all. I did call back after the first leg of our flight and left a message letting Tina know that just in case the story did shift back to its original focus we were not only available but that we would make for an interesting program since the GM is currently 7 months pregnant.

I guess she'll just have to jump up and down on our own couch.

Beachy Keen

I hate the beach and basically everything about it. Shorts are what you wear under your pants and I have never, never once in my life worn sandals. My aversion to dry, dusty, powdery sand-like stuff goes so far as to have prevented me from becoming a better baker since putting my hands in flour made my skin crawl. I am perpetually hot and the idea of sitting beneath the sun to roast myself like a chicken is preposterous. A beach vacation would be my idea of complete hell on earth.

Until Tankah that is. Our week in the Yucatan was everything that I have ever heard rapturous beach-loving people rave about.

How though, you ask if the first paragraph is true did we ever end up with a week on the beach?

The first year we were open we hosted a dinner for the Chamber of Commerce and one of the auction prizes was a week's stay at this place in Tankah that sleeps 12. I, flushed with auction fever (I am, as I have mentioned before, an auction junkie) thought the bidding was far too low for this item and decided I would help it along by a modest increase. Well, you see where this is going. No one else bid and all the money we were supposed to get for doing the dinner went directly back to the Chamber. That was 6 years ago.

Our original plan was to close the restaurant for a week and go down with the entire crew. But when we had the time we didn't have the money and one crisis came after another and at last we had only one of our opening crew left with us. So, last fall we decided if the people who donated the prize were still willing to honor it we just had to go. We picked a slow time of year, booked the flight and then found out the GM was pregnant. Even more reason for us to have a getaway. Surely this will be last time we go somewhere as a couple for a good while.

And though I was willing to suffer the beach vacation because the GM is always cold and is forever wishing to be in some earthly inferno, digging her toes into the sand, the irony is that pregnancy has tilted her already busted thermostat to high, and she is most often hot these days.

And hot it was although a nice wind from the Caribbean and ceiling fans inside the house kept us reasonably cool most of the time. The weather was quite like our Chapel Hill, NC days but more (if that could be possible) humid.

We swam, saw the ruins of Tulum; a gorgeous Mayan seaport, laid in the hammocks and incredibly did not mention work once. I discovered snorkeling, which was the most amazing thing on earth. I was swimming in entire schools of fish, including many types I cook and serve, literally inches from my face in crystal clear, warm water. The volcanic sand is entirely different from the very powdery Atlantic sand of my youth which remains in your clothes and car for weeks after a beach visit and the breeze made the sun a little more bearable.

Yes, but did we have good food? We did indeed. And we got to feel  what it's like to be a visitor looking for a meal. We did some things we never do, like asking a restaurant to turn off their music. People have asked us to change the music and we've been peevish with them and now we saw first hand how crappy music can destroy your experience. However, when we sat down, there was no music playing, so it was a little different. Once the owner, a beach addled loser who looked like he stepped out of some Jimmy Buffet nightmare, woke up, he turned on the horrible white blues, completely obliterating the gentle sound of bird and waves. We didn't want to ask him to turn things down, since that would be insulting his taste, in his home, so we asked the waiter, who thankfully took care of it.

We also went to the same place three times. When out of towners come to us multiple times during a visit, we're flattered but puzzled. After all, aren't they on vacation to experience new things?

Dona Elsy had great food, was warm and friendly, and off the beaten track. Many of the restaurants in Tulum cater to the tourist trade and we managed to avoid those. At the first place we tried off the strip it was clear they weren't too thrilled to see gringos sitting down. The GM was a bit scared, especially since there was a rally for the PRD's (Mexican socialist party) candidate for senator going on across the street. Her Spanish lags slightly behind mine and she was afraid he was going to say, "Hey, there's two gringos now. Let's get 'em!" I was able to follow along well enough to assure her that wasn't his platform. As for me I was less uncomfortable. As a small hippie boy spending considerable time in small Southern towns in the late '60's/early '70's, that feeling of "boy, what the hell are you doing here?" was quite familiar. I knew also that once you comported yourself respectfully things usually lighten up, which they did. Still, it wasn't an experience we were looking to repeat, so when we found Dona Elsy, we decided to go back to her place, where the welcome was nearly as warm as the Yucatecan sun.

After a hard days snorkeling, what do you want?
Fish of course. When I ordered a kilo of fish the waiter gave me the look. The look that says, "look pal, you know this a whole fish. Eyes, head, fins. The whole deal. I'm not bringing this and have you send it back because it's not a fillet." And gave a questioning, "Un kilo?"

"Si. Un kilo."
"Con ajillo, o solo frita."
"Con ajillo por favor."

The tangy garlic sauce was incredible. The GM, not a fish person, either in the swimming and looking at them department or in the consuming them department, tried it and really liked it.

As, as you can see, did I.

While we were at this place, Don Huacho del Media Dia, los cocineros started frying some chiles. The entire restaurant, full of Mexicans, started choking and coughing from the fumes, some retreating to the street for air. It didn't affect me though which was surprising as I am usually pretty sensitive to those sorts of aromatic affronts. Not sure what they were preparing but it might have been the sauce to go with the GM's
poc-chuc, a Yucatecan dish all the Mayan guys who work for told us to try. In the silver dish at the top was a brown-black sauce that the waiter told us was "solo chile habanero". The GM tried a little and tears started streaming down her face. Two Fantas and a stack of napkins later, she tried some more. And loved it.

The rest of the time we ate pineapples, tacos de puerco asada, mangoes, watermelon, panuchos, caldo de pollo, tortas, frijoles con puerco, chuletas haumada y refrescos de melon, limon, pina, y frutas varidades.

We of course want to go back. What I'd really like to do is time a visit when one of our Mayan employees decides to spend a few months with his family. They are all from the town of Peto, about 4 hours from the coast. We'd get a place on the beach, drive to Peto, see his pueblo and bring the family to the Mayan Riviera. Maybe next winter, when baby's about a year and a half.

Right now though, there's Memorial Day weekend to gear up for.

The Boss of the Bitches

Last year I wrote about our best waiter moving on. She's been a customer since and helped me with one catering job this winter. With the GM at 7 months pregnant tomorrow we have been trying to figure out how to fill her role. The problem of course is that no one else would be willing to do so much for so little.

One of our waiters is now also our office manager. She has been doing data entry of invoices, printing menus and other clerical things for at least a year and now her responsibilities are going to be ramped up for a good 3-6 months. She'll now have to count and reconcile the daily sales, input them in the computer and make deposits. I'll be paying the vendors and doing the payroll. I already deal with filing the sales taxes and the federal payroll tax deposits.

We have been trying to figure out who is going to be in the front of the house. Although I am in good shape with kitchen staff we know it is a good idea for me to be in the kitchen on busy weekend nights and of course that's when the waiters need the most help also. But, since we're talking a relatively short term position, for relatively small money that we needed to fill with someone who would need minimal training on our service standards, system and staff we were in a real bind. We had kind people who volunteered their services that we considered but the reality was we would need to train them for at least 3 months to do 3 months worth of work. See I can step into the role after summer is over and I have had some solid newborn time. We asked the waiter mentioned in the first paragraph but she was going to be leaving for an extended stay in Hawaii where her boyfriend is from. So we decided I would have to do it and the kitchen would have to just keep it together.

Then out of the blue the lovely former waiter called and said her plans had changed and she wanted to know if we still needed her to help out. She came in and we talked. She told us we had ruined her. Everywhere she goes she spots poor service and as she said "It's not hard to give good service." This is the same young woman who when asked by the GM how come she, out of all the waiters was the only one to consistently mark her tables said, "That's easy, my boss told me to, so I do it."

She's perfect for the job. She knows us, how we do things and what we like. She also was our best waiter and knows what customers want. She's unafraid, unflappable, readily speaks her mind and will have little problem keeping the waiters in line. She is excited to be as she puts it, "the boss of the bitches". She also asked what if summer ends and she wanted to stay. We assured her we would have no problem figuring out how to make that happen.

She's going to come on Memorial Day weekend, get her feet wet and help us on a busy weekend. Then we'll do a wedding together the second week in June, then she leaves for Rome for a couple of weeks and will be ready to take over for the GM by 4th of July weekend.

In other departments, crab season is really pretty much over so it's time to change a few things on the menu. This is a crappy transition time because even though good crab is finished there are places that will continue to serve it. One of the things we're well known for are crab cakes and this time of year when people come up looking for crab cakes and we tell them the season (for us) is finished they say, "Well, Brand X down the street has crab." Yes, that's why they're Brand X.

We leave Monday for Tulum. Too bad it wasn't a month ago in the midst of the torrential rain here.

SOS

 The one real link we have to the rest of the world up here is being threatened. Please write your representatives and tell them this is completely unacceptable. I'll post about the Boss of the Bitches tomorrow.

Truth & Consequences

I have again been spending time out on the floor. Spring is a slow time for us and while the GM can be off her feet we're trying to have her go home, or at least in the office. The biggest challenge for me in this is dealing with the waiters. No, this isn't going to be your typical cook vs waiter rant. In fact, not a rant at all but an asking for ideas.

We had a waiter meeting last week and essentially talked about details. And our frustration with some details not be attended to. Like wine lists being left on tables throughout out the meal. Like tables not being consistently fully cleared before presenting dessert menus. Nothing new, just some new waiters and some old ones with bad habits.

Our problem is we have never been able to develop effective consequences for not attending to the details, other than firing someone, which is a drastic step. When you care deeply about the people who work for you it is very hard to understand how to motivate them or correct behavior without damaging the relationship and mutual respect. The GM's way is to, in her words, be a nag. "Did you see your new 4-top?" "Did you get bread to 33?" Since she also takes this tactic with me in other areas of our life I know that while it can be effective a person tends to tune it out after it becomes constant. My way is to do it myself. And to not say anything about it until I'm really pissed off. And neither way is effective.

So I've been using a modified approach. I am nagging people. And I'm not doing it myself all the time. For instance we have a new waiter who is overly concerned that she isn't going to get enough tables. This is almost always a bad sign. Every waiter we've had who has exhibited this tendency has the same pattern. They fret that they are getting skipped in the seating rotation, yet when their section is full, they can't handle it.

I've mentioned before that one entire wall of our restaurant is floor to ceiling window. I may also have mentioned that it seems to be imperative that people sit next to the window. Certainly, if they don't get a window table their food will be inedible, their evening, if not entire life ruined and it will be all our fault. So, until the window tables are filled it is usually pointless to try to seat people elsewhere. I can get away with it when I am in jacket and tie and choose to be imperious, but that's not our atmosphere and I don't do it often.

So the new hire was moaning about being skipped. All the window tables in her section were full. I told her that until all the windows were full, or until a party of 4 came in (the window tables are all deuces) it would be difficult to get her a new table. Not long after telling her this things worked out so I could load up her section and watch how she did. She was running, and she was behind. And I refused to run her food, bus her tables, bring checks, or collect payment. Well, for the most part. I'm not going to let a customer suffer to prove a point.

Now whether she got it I don't know. Probably not. The waiters with this tendency rarely do. It's interesting that we always have at least one of these on staff. Organizationally, we must need one. Perhaps it's to reflect my own inclination to take on more than I can handle.

The truth is, we need some effective consequences. I'm not going to fire someone for leaving a wine list on the table throughout an entire meal, although at times I'm tempted. If anyone has great ideas for inspiring people to correct their behavior, please let me know.

You Can't Win 'em All

We received notice from Wine Spectator that we will not be winning an award for our wine list. I certainly wasn't surprised. In fact I was more surprised we bothered to enter in the first place. But now I  know what I only suspected previously. The $200 they charge to process your application is a big scam.

To qualify for their basic award you have to have 100+ selections, representing a number of regions. A valid criteria I suppose but this also reinforces my idea that many wine lists these days are as devoid of personality as Continental restaurants were in the early 1960's. There are certainly some out there who are doing interesting things with their list but the norm is to play it safe. Have the well-recognized, heavy hitters from Napa, a few culties from Sonoma or maybe Oregon or Washington if you're pushing the envelope, premier crus of Bordeaux, a bit of Burgundy and then a smattering of whatever the media is identifying as "hot", be it Super Tuscans, South African whites, whatever.

For us the wine list is an extension of our menu and a further statement of who we are. We are fortunate enough to have a restaurant in a well-touristed, wine producing region. Many visitors, even those, no especially those, who are well-versed in wine, are not familiar with many of the small producers in our area. We buy a lot of food from local farmers and ranchers, should we not do the same with our wines? We think so, which is why all the wines on our list come from within our county.

This works on a few levels. First, we are supporting our neighbors. Until 5-7 years ago most of the wine grapes produced in this county were sold and shipped elsewhere to be put into wines that had little to do with this place. This is still true, but the balance is changing. More grapes are staying county. When more grapes stay here, more jobs are created. When more wines are produced here, there's more for a wine writer, resulting in more exposure for the region, resulting in more visitors to the area, resulting in, yes, more jobs.

Second, we are offering a new experience for many people. You can find Opus One, or Screaming Eagle on just about any wine list, anywhere these days. Part of travel for me is seeing and tasting new things. We're getting ready to go to Mexico. I'm not interested in eating the same food I eat when I'm at home while we're there.

Third, we're offering a point of view. We have about 30 selections, every one of them available by the glass. We understand that when you're on an adventure not everyone dives in headfirst. Some want to test the waters. We also understand that some people want as much adventure as they can pack in, so we also sell everything by the half glass. This way guests can try 4 different wines and not leave drunk. And that you can try 4 courses of food and match a wine with all of them and not leave broke.

This is only a part of what I see as the evolving minefield of restaurant evaluation. There was some discussion when the Chronicle top 100 came out a month or so ago that needs to be extended. In my mind the real test is consistency of vision. First, is there a vision? Are the owners trying to say something, trying to create something, or are they just trying to turn a buck? If the latter I suggest they close and do something you can actually make money doing. If a vision exists, does it carry through in all the details? And then, does the staff treat you well and the food taste good? If one of these elements is off, something is not going to feel right.

Our place is in a working class town, in a large old Craftsman building. There's a candy store below us that you can see from the dining room. Our space is open and airy, with floor to ceiling windows on the south side. The view is of downtown and if you're in the right seat and squint you can see the ocean. It is a solid space, with integrity, built to last, representative of a time and place. The redwood on the ceiling is certainly from old-growth timber, with perfectly straight grain. If the owners of the building had purchased the place, dismantled it and sold the lumber they would have quadrupled their money easily. The wood on the floor is madrone, no longer milled by anyone because it is difficult to work with and the return too small.

With this as a backdrop we had to make some decisions about what would work in the very large space. We decided to use the Craftsman ethic as our model for the space. Functional, beautiful but unadorned. Simple but not severe. Elegant but not formal. So our waiters wear black pullover shirts, black pants and red aprons. They help each other running food and drinks but are not orchestrated, setting 4 plates down simultaneously, with ceremony. Serious, but casual.

To avoid having the space become a period piece we have contemporary art on the walls. A few pieces from one of our dearest friends that are more or less a permanent collection and a large wall with art that changes every 3 months or so. Our last show was of tabletop art. We've got butcher paper and crayons on the table and we save any artwork that looks good throughout the year. At the end of the year we plaster the best ones on the wall.

By now I think you've got the picture. We're a fun place, we take what we do seriously, but don't take ourselves seriously. In that environment it would be no more appropriate for us to present a leather-bound volume with 500 wine selections than it would for Jean-Georges to list a "carafe of house red". We're somewhere in between. We are trying to present affordable quality. Again,  I believe that's part of the Craftsman ethic. Honest work at a price most can afford.

I'd say that's a fair assessment of the wines we have in our county. We've discussed deviating from our only by the glass strategy to have a few higher priced bottles available only by the bottle. But, we just don't have higher priced wines here. We top out at about $45 retail.

In all, our wine list helps us define who we are. And that to me is the only significant criteria for judging a list. Not how many selections, or how many medal winners, or whether all the significant producing regions are represented. All that takes is money.