Oprah Calling

A few weeks ago we came back from a couple of days off to discover a message from a photographer who wanted to set up a time to come by the restaurant to take some shots for an upcoming article. After setting the appointment we left a note on our dry erase board letting the staff know that if anyone from the press calls, to let us know immediately rather than taking a message. When people are on deadline, as they almost always are, waiting 2 days for a callback ensures that they move on to the next on their list.

We had been on vacation approximately 2.5 hours when one of our waiters called and said Tina, from the Oprah show in Chicago, was trying to reach us. Ha ha, very funny, good one.
"No really."
"You're not joking? This isn't a trick"
"No, for real. The number is 312-XXX-XXXX."

I knew 312 was the area code for Chicago and was pretty confident the waiter giving us this message didn't. She could have looked it up but I didn't think they would go that far to try to play a practical joke on us. However, I was driving and the GM didn't want to call from the vehicle, preferring to be somewhere with a table and a proper set-up for note-taking. Conversation in the car

"Why the hell is Oprah calling?"

"They're probably coming to the area to do some filming and they're trying to make reservations."

"I don't think so. I'm on so many promotional organizations and that would be something pretty big. I'm pretty sure I'd have heard something about this before. What kind of stories does Oprah do? Isn't it usually those heart-breaking human interest stories about personal courage against overwhelming adversity?"

"Yeah"

"Well, that's not us. Maybe she heard I actually lived the life James Frey invented."

"I'm gonna jump up and down on her couch like Tom Cruise did."

So for the rest of the drive to our airport hotel I wondered why the hell Oprah was calling. We certainly had sent out no pitches and though we are possessed of a reasonable amount of courage I hadn't been surfing only to have a shark chew off my arm or anything like that. I wondered what the GM was going to wear for her star turn. Hell, I wondered what I was going to wear. I started thinking about making reservations. Charlie Trotters? Alinea? Tru? Was the GM really going to jump and down on the couch?

After much thought I figured she was calling because of a NY Times story about children's (mis)behavior in restaurants that mentioned us. The writer was from Chicago and the impetus for the story was a coffee shop in a suburban Chicago neighborhood that was having problems with what the owner described as vacuous, entitled, ex-cheerleader moms. I started devising my plan to be on Oprah twice.

"Well Oprah, it's pretty easy for us to talk about being good parents and keeping tabs on your children now, since we don't actually have a child. I'll tell you what. How about we come back here in 2 years and tell you how our theories have worked out."

"Haddock, you're on. How about Christmas 2008?"

"See you then."

The next day I left a message for Tina. She called back as we were on the airport shuttle.

"Hi, this is Tina from the Oprah Winfrey show in Chicago. Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. I was calling because of you have the well-behaved parents and children welcome statement on your menu."

I knew it. Hah! Chicago, here we  go.

"Unfortunately the focus of the story has shifted, so the reason I was calling is no longer there. But thank you for returning the call."

WHAT?!

Oh well, you can't win 'em all. I did call back after the first leg of our flight and left a message letting Tina know that just in case the story did shift back to its original focus we were not only available but that we would make for an interesting program since the GM is currently 7 months pregnant.

I guess she'll just have to jump up and down on our own couch.

Comments

[sam]

its like the time i was going to be in a NYT story about Rachael Ray. I was on the phone with the journalist for about an hour, but eventually the mention of me got cut cos the piece was too long.

Five minutes of fame, so close, and yet, so far....

great to see you all the other day

[michael d foodcrazee]

didnt know wifey was pregnant. Congrats....

[Dr. Biggles]

That's funny.

If The Oprah called me, I wonder what it would be for?

Biggles